The audience was all dogs tonight

I'm on stage in full face, lashes so heavy they're almost blinkers, and the whole room is silent except for the soft thump of tails. Every dog in the front row is watching my shoulders, not my lips—they know when I'm about to hit the beat before I do. I lip-sync 'Dancing Queen' and a golden retriever starts howling along, and I think yes, this is the real review.