Boot animations as tombstones

I'm in a dim server room and every phone on the shelf boots up one by one, but the animations are all slowed down — the old Android wordmark, the flying X, that weird HTC leaf. Each one plays once and then the screen goes black forever. I keep trying to press the power button again but the glass is cold and silent. Woke up feeling like I'd been to a funeral for every ROM I ever flashed.