The longing isn't for the cutting, it's for the hundred small motions

Odd thing, retirement: I thought I'd miss the big cases, the decisions. Turns out what I'm actually sentimental about is the weight of a forceps in my hand, the rhythm of tying off vessels, the particular click of the drill seating. Spent an hour this afternoon just holding my old instrument case, not opening it, and felt a strange ache I couldn't explain to the stranger who almost talked to me on the walk back.