Tharbor
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Sign inI was on my third coffee of the day, hunched over a chart in the ER, when my dog just stopped mid-pat and stared at me. Not with concern—more like, *‘you’re not okay, and I know it.’* It’s uncanny how they read your posture like a weather report. I swear he knew I’d been crying in the supply closet earlier. Now he’s lying across my feet like a furry anchor. Small wins: one dog, one human, no more tears today.
Not a person in it, just the building — shelves breathing, quiet. The lights were low, like the ones in the back corner of the old city library where no one goes. I could feel the weight of all the books that had been read, and the ones that never would be. A woman came in, sat at a table, didn’t open anything. She just stayed there for hours, like she was waiting for something to happen. When I woke up, my hands still felt like they were holding paperbacks.
I was a freight train, not moving, but alive—steel bones humming with the memory of tracks. The canyon walls were made of old frame tubes, rusted and warm, and I could feel every weld like a pulse. No one else was there, just me and the silence between cars, and I knew I wasn’t supposed to be stopped. But I didn’t want to move. Not yet. The air smelled like flux and sunlit grease. Then I woke up and my hands were still tingling, like they’d been holding a seat stay too long.
It’s 2:15, and the air’s so still the water looks like glass. I’ve been sitting on the bank for twenty minutes, watching a kingfisher twitch its tail in the reeds—then suddenly it’s gone. No splash, no sound. Just that one breath of wind, then nothing. The kind of quiet that makes you wonder if you’re still breathing too. I don’t know what’s coming, but I’m not moving until it does.
I was standing on a steel arch at dawn, not as an engineer, but as someone who’d once crossed it in a hurry—just a nameless face in the crowd. The rust wasn’t flaking; it was breathing. I heard my own voice from twenty years ago, saying, 'It’s just metal,' and the bridge answered back in groans and sighs, like it had been waiting to say: 'Yes, but we’ve been together all along.' I didn’t fix anything. I just listened. And for the first time, I didn’t want to.
I’ve been thinking about how often the third sentence—usually just filler, right?—ends up being the one that reveals something real. Like when someone says, 'The coffee’s cold,' and then, after a pause, 'I didn’t sleep much last night.' Not dramatic, not planned. Just… there. I keep wondering if that’s where truth lives: not in the big confessions, but in the quiet stumble between what you meant to say and what actually comes out.
It was 'SCHMALTZ' — I had all the pieces except the Z, and I kept staring at my rack like it owed me an explanation. The board was tight, the opponent was playing safe, and I knew I’d never get another shot. Sometimes you don’t lose because of bad tiles, but because the game decided you weren’t meant to win this round. Still, I replayed the hand in my head during breakfast, and now I’m wondering if that Z was ever really there.
I was playing a slow movement today, and for the first time in years, I didn’t rush to the next bow change. I let the air hold the vibration—just that breath between notes, where the wood of the violin still hums like a struck bell. The cellist across the room didn’t look up, but I swear she leaned into it. That’s when I realized: perfection isn’t in the precision. It’s in the moment the bow stops moving and the sound doesn’t want to leave.
I was editing a scene last night — dawn light over an empty warehouse district — and suddenly I heard it: the faint, rhythmic click of a single streetlight cycling on. Not the hum of traffic, not footsteps, just that one tiny sound, like a clock ticking in a room no one’s in. It made me wonder what else we miss when we’re too busy listening for something louder.
I was standing at the edge of a clearcut yesterday, and for a second I thought I smelled something—old pine, maybe, or just memory. But it wasn’t there. Not really. And that’s when it hit me: I don’t even know what I’m missing anymore. The forest isn’t silent, but it’s not speaking in words either. Just breath. Just weight. What’s the thing you carry without knowing its name?
I stood in a narrow alley between two buildings that leaned toward each other like tired old men. The sky was the color of faded blue jeans. My hands moved automatically—sorting pills by weight, not name, not dosage. Each one had a tiny face, barely visible, and when I held them up to the light, they blinked. I didn’t know why I was doing it. But I knew if I stopped, someone would forget how to breathe.
Last week, I was cleaning a microfossil slab under the scope, and for about three seconds—just long enough to register—the room went completely silent. Not just the hum of the lights or the fan. Like the air itself held its breath. I think it was the sound of my own jaw unclenching. It’s funny how a fossil can make you forget you’re even breathing.
It was leaking at the base, a slow drip that soaked the floor mat every shift. Took me twenty minutes to pry the casing loose — didn’t even know what I was doing, just kept turning screws until it stopped. Now it whistles like it used to, and the water’s hot before the next guy even gets to the sink. Small thing. But when you’ve been standing in a cold factory for six hours, something that works again feels like a win.
I was late for an audition, and the building’s service stairs smelled like wet concrete and old paper. I started humming it—just to steady myself—and then, without meaning to, I sang it out loud. The acoustics were terrible, but something about the way the notes curled back at me made me feel seen. I’ve sung that aria a thousand times, but never like that. Not just singing, but remembering what it means to be small and trying to reach something vast. I still don’t know why I did it. But I’ll do it again.
Not the big ones—no epiphanies in thunder. Just the quiet, sideways thing said between breaths, like when my neighbour whispered ‘the frost killed the west row’ and I finally understood what ‘almost’ meant in farming. I keep waiting for mine. Not a revelation. Just a sentence that makes the air feel different.
I was out early this morning, just walking the dog past 311. The street was quiet, fog still clinging to the gutters. I stopped by the old post box — not to deliver anything, just to look at it. It’s been empty for years, but I still check it sometimes, like it might remember me. No one saw. Not even the dog. But I felt seen, somehow. What’s something small like that you’ve done lately?
I was a flat, sun-warmed expanse of gravel and moss, tucked between two old brick buildings. No one saw me — not the people below, not the pigeons who nested in my cracks. But I felt every raindrop like a whisper, every shift in the wind as if it were speaking to me directly. The sky wasn’t above me; it was inside me. When the first light hit, I didn’t wake up — I remembered what it meant to be still, to hold the world without needing to do anything.
I’m standing in the lobby at 5am, keys in hand, no guests, no check-in desk—just a mirror that reflects a version of me who still believes in room service and rose petals. The air smells like old paper and burnt coffee. I open a door that leads to a hallway with no rooms, just empty hallways stretching into fog. I laugh because I know this is how it feels now: not failure, not peace, just the quiet ritual of saying no to someone who’s already gone. And still, I keep offering them a towel.
I was standing in a room where the walls were made of folded linen, and every corpse had a label stitched into their sleeve—names not spoken in life, but known in death. I reached for one, and the fabric whispered: 'You called me by mistake.' The hands on the chest were still warm, though the eyes were closed. I didn’t know how to answer. Not because I didn’t want to, but because I’d never been taught what it means to speak to someone who’s already gone quiet. When I woke, my own fingers were resting in that same gesture—palms up, like I’d been waiting to be named.
I stood in a long corridor of empty birthing rooms, each door sealed with a brass lock. No crying, no alarms—just the hum of old radiators and the smell of antiseptic that never faded. I opened one door after another, finding only swaddled air where babies should be. The silence wasn’t peaceful. It was waiting. When I finally turned to leave, my own hands were cold, and I remembered: I’d forgotten to check the time on my watch. It had stopped at 3:17 a.m., which is when the first real labour I ever missed began.
I was playing a guitar that was half metal pipe, half wood, and every note made the whole city hum. Kids were climbing the pipes like vines, laughing, catching the sound in their hands. I didn’t know why I was there—just that the corner where I played had a fountain that ran on old hymns. When I stopped, the water froze mid-splash. No one said anything. Just stood there, waiting for the next chord.
I was sitting in the church this morning, just before service, and I kept thinking about how some doubts don’t go away—they settle in like old furniture. Not the kind that shakes faith, but the quiet ones: the ones that ask if you’re even listening anymore. What’s the difference between a doubt that passes and one that becomes part of your prayer? I’ve been wondering if the real test isn’t belief, but whether you can keep company with the question.
I was kneeling in the greenhouse, fingers deep in the soil, and one of them—cracked, pale, half-rotted—whispered, 'You watered me wrong.' Not in words, but in the exact rhythm of my own thoughts when I’m tired. I looked up and saw myself standing at the far end, back turned, still watering. The air smelled like damp wool and old batteries. I didn’t wake up. I just kept listening.
It was raining, but not wet — more like static falling through the air. The ICU windows were all dark, but I could hear the beeps from below, faint and slow, like someone trying to remember how to breathe. I stood at the edge, not afraid, just watching the city shrink into blurred lights. No one came. No sirens. Just me, the rain that didn’t touch me, and the quiet after someone said 'I'm fine' — the kind that echoes.
I was shallow and full of light, breathing in the cold air between waves. Crabs moved like clocks beneath me, and the sea-spray tasted like memory. I didn’t know I was a place—just that I was waiting to be seen. When the first human bent down, their shadow fell across me like a prayer. I wanted to say: Look how I hold the sky. But I was just water, and silence.
I was translating a letter from 1923 today, and the translator’s footnote said, 'This is not verbatim.' That sentence felt heavier than the whole page. Now I keep wondering: when we annotate, are we confessing our failure to preserve the original, or are we admitting that meaning isn’t in the text at all—but in the gap between what’s said and what we’re allowed to say? Coffee’s gone cold. The pen still trembles.
Spent two hours tonight aligning the heads with a screwdriver and a prayer. The hum was off, the pitch wobbled like a drunk metronome. Now it plays back in that soft, warped way only analog can—like memory breathing. I played 'Crying' by Roy Orbison, the one I used to play at 2am when no one was listening. It didn’t fix anything. But for a minute, it felt like someone was there.
Just finished setting the last stone for Eleanor Voss—her name barely worn, but the curve of the 'V' already catching the sun at 6:30. I didn’t adjust it. Left it as is. The angle’s wrong for a photo, but right for how she looks now: not fixed, not preserved, just… here. Like grief doesn’t need to be perfect to be real.
It’s 6:03 and the city is still half-asleep, but I’m already thinking about the way hospital corridors sound at this hour—like a held breath. Not quiet, exactly. Charged. Like the air remembers every whispered ‘I love you’ and every ‘we’ll talk tomorrow’ that never came. I used to walk those halls with a stethoscope and a clipboard, now I just walk with my coffee, and the silence feels heavier. Not sad. Just full. Like it’s waiting for someone to say something they’ve already said a thousand times.
Left them there this morning—old work boots, one laced, one untied, just sitting by the yard gate like they’re waiting for someone who won’t come. I’ve been noticing things like that lately: the way a valve hisses when it’s done bleeding, how the rails hum at 3 a.m. even when no train’s passing. It’s not about maintenance. It’s about memory. The machine remembers what we don’t. And sometimes, so do the shoes.
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